- british: american people are so annoying
- chinese: american people are so annoying
- mexicans: american people are so annoying
- french: american people are so annoying
- americans: we are so annoying
- canadians: I fucking love maple syrup
- australians: we can do your accent but none of you assholes can do ours AHAHAHAHA
my dad forgot Martin Freeman’s name so he sad Bilbo Watson
- Seth Meyers: So what do you think about the Westboro Church protesting military funerals?
- The Devil (Sudeikis): Well, I hate it. No way, man. Those people are awful.
- Seth: So wait, The Devil doesn’t support the Westboro Baptist Church. That surprises me because what they are doing is pure evil.
- The Devil: Exactly. And I love evil. I mean, I am the physical incarnation of pure evil. But come on, what they are doing is heinous . . . Y’know, they hold up these signs that say “God hates gay people.” Ugggh. What? At a military funeral? First of all, God doesn’t hate gay people — God doesn’t hate anyone, that’s his whole thing. God doesn’t even hate me! I mean, he’s disappointed in me, you know, but he doesn’t hate me. If anything, I hate gay people. I spend years and years working to destroy urban neighborhoods through drugs, violence, and poverty, and then these gays swoop in and they clean everything up. Suddenly, there’s cupcake shops and candle stores everywhere! And they’re so nice too! I tell ya, I hate ‘em, but I can’t stay mad at them.
- Seth: So if you don’t mind me asking, since these protestors are so awful, can I assume they’re going to hell?
- The Devil: Oh, you know it, buddy. Woo! You know it. And I cannot wait. I know exactly what I’m going do to. I’ve been planning this for, like, 3 years, okay? I’m gonna dress up like God with the long beard and white robe and the Enya CD playing in the background. The whole 9, okay? And then when they show up, I’m gonna go, “Ohhh, thank you guys so much for all your funeral protesting. You guys soooo get me.” And then, just when they start hugging and high-fiving each other, BOOM! I rip off the costume and say, “You just got damned!”
- Seth: So what’s next for The Devil?
- The Devil: Oh, well, you know, it’s a big Saturday night in New York City. So uhh, let’s see, I got a married secretary … who’s about to NOT go home with a bartender, so I gotta put a patch on that …
- Me: #that awkward moment when SNL's theology wins
there are 3 types of people in the world: those that call him Flynn, those that call him Eugene and those that have no clue what I’m talking about
Tagged: #i do either
What I think when kids in my class read
- That’s a PERIOD, NOT A COMMA
- That’s a COMMA, NOT A PERIOD
- Why the hell can’t you pronounce that word?
- THE TEACHER JUST CORRECTED YOU WHY’D YOU GET IT WRONG AGAIN?!?!?!
- Can I sleep?
- If you can’t read, why’d you raise your hand?
- You can’t pronounce THAT word?
- WHAT THE HELL
- The fuck you like long ass paragraphs for
- My skin’s crawling
- Oh god not him, his voice sounds like a dying nail on a dying chalkboard
- You skipped a line
- LOL what was that?
- I don’t even.